When I was a child, I used to daydream about when I would be a grown up. I looked forward to the day that I would finally know everything. Grown ups were never wrong and they always knew what to do in every situation. All the stupid things that I said and did on a daily basis would be in the past. I longed for the day when I could walk confidently into the room and know that everything was going to be fine because I was a grown up.
The years flew by and I was startled to find that I was not, actually, getting smarter. Not only was I not getting smarter, but with each passing year I was learning how much I really didn’t know. Things were not turning out how I expected.
I graduated from college and was married just a few months later. Almost three years later we had our first child. A beautiful baby girl. And if there were ever a time where I realized how not grown up I was, that was a good example. You would think that the 30 hours of labor would have convinced me of my grown-up-ness, but it really just left me dazed and confused. Although I knew all along that none of the hospital staff would be coming home with us, I was still alarmed as the nurse packed us into the car to leave and then walked away! Sending us home to take care of that tiny little infant. By ourselves!
The addition of another beautiful little girl a couple of years later didn’t really change my adult status either. It just convinced me even further that I had no idea what I was doing. When exactly was the “all knowing adult” part going to kick in?! I needed it!
Last year, as I was showering with my four year old one night something happened that I knew would change my life forever. As I washed my face, she was rolling hot pink scented soap all over my badonkadonk butt and singing “Tell Me The Stories of Jesus” in her most serious four year old voice. And I couldn’t help but laugh. No, life would never be the same again. But I’m not sure that it was heralding my entrance into adulthood.
Now, I’m a 30 year old wife and mother to the two most adorable girls ever. We have a mortgage, cars, mountains of laundry, even a dog. We have all the trappings of real grown up life. And yet….
In the spare moments that I do occasionally have, I find myself daydreaming about when I will be a grown up. I long for the day when I will walk confidently into the room and know that everything will be fine because I am a grown up.